You're Probably Using the Wrong Weight (Here's How to Tell)

One of the questions I get asked more than any other is this: what weight should I use?

And I get why. You're holding a dumbbell. Or you're about to pick one up. And you're genuinely not sure if you should go for the 3kg or the 5kg, or if you should just use your body weight and leave the weights alone.

Here's the simplest answer: if it feels easy the whole way through, go heavier. If your form breaks down, it's too heavy. If the last two or three reps slow down but your technique stays solid, you've found the right weight.

That's it. You don't need a formula. You don't need to know what I lift, or what the woman next to you lifts. You just need to challenge yourself enough to get stronger.

The myth: there's a correct weight for your age or fitness level

A lot of women I train believe there's a set weight they should be using. Three kilos because they're beginners. Five kilos because they're over 40. Body weight only because they're perimenopausal.

It's not true.

The right weight is the one that makes the last few reps genuinely hard while your form stays good. That's different for every person, every exercise, and every week. Your squat weight won't be your shoulder press weight. Your energy on a full night's sleep won't match your energy after broken sleep with a poorly toddler.

The myth comes from a decent place. Women have been told for years not to lift too heavy or we'll bulk up, hurt ourselves, or look unfeminine. So we've learned to go light and stay cautious.

But going too light means you miss the whole point. Your muscles need a reason to get stronger. If the weight feels easy from rep one to rep twelve, your body has no reason to adapt.

What the right weight actually feels like

The right weight feels manageable at the start. You can do the first few reps with good form and full control.

Then, around rep seven or eight, it starts to feel hard. Not impossible. Not like your shoulder is about to give out or your back is rounding. Just hard. You slow down. You concentrate. You might pull a face.

By the last two or three reps, you're working. Your muscles are properly engaged. But your technique is still solid.

That's the sweet spot. That's where strength gets built.

If you finish a set of twelve and you could easily do five more, the weight is too light. If your form collapses at rep six, it's too heavy. Anywhere in between, you're golden.

How to adjust as you get stronger

This is the bit a lot of women skip. You start with a weight that challenges you. A few weeks pass. Suddenly that weight feels easier.

Good. That means you've got stronger.

So you go up. Not by much. Half a kilo. One kilo. Enough that the last few reps feel hard again.

This is called progressive overload, but I don't love that phrase because it sounds complicated. It's just: when it gets easier, make it a bit harder.

You don't have to go up every week. Sometimes you stay at the same weight for a month. Sometimes your energy is lower because you're perimenopausal and your sleep has been rubbish, so you drop back down. That's fine. The goal is challenge, not a linear climb.

What if you don't have weights?

Same rule applies. You make the exercise harder.

If body weight squats feel easy, you slow the movement down. You pause at the bottom. You do single-leg variations. You add a resistance band.

Strength training for women over 40 without weights is absolutely real strength training. The principle is identical: find the version of the movement that makes the last few reps properly hard, and stay there until it gets easier.

A slow, controlled press-up where your muscles are shaking by rep eight is worth far more than twenty fast, easy ones.

Why this matters in your 40s

Strength training in your 40s isn't about aesthetics. It's about being able to carry your shopping, pick up your kids, get up off the floor without using your hands.

And those things require actual strength. Not theoretical strength. Not the strength you had ten years ago. Strength you're building now.

The right weight is the weight that builds that. The weight that makes your muscles work hard enough to adapt, without breaking your form or making you feel like you're about to injure yourself.

It's genuinely that simple.

If you want to figure this out in a room with other women doing the same thing, come and train with me at one of the live sessions. I'll show you exactly what the right weight looks like for you, and you'll leave knowing how to choose it yourself every time.